Jeans with a button fly
I guess when they first came out, button flies had a real advantage over laces, or whatever else they used back then.
But then zips came out, and let's face it, they're a lot better than buttons.
So why on earth do they keep making jeans with button flies?
Because if you're a bloke, fiddling around your nether regions as you try to undo the damn things, and then fiddle around even more as you try to do them back up again, doesn't look normal, elegant, or even legal.
And this is definitely a male issue. A public male issue. A public male toilet issue.
We all know it's tricky enough standing at the trough in the gents, observing the unwritten code of not looking at anyone else and definitely not starting a conversation. In and out with zero social contact, them's the rules, and nothing out of the ordinary is allowed or tolerated.
Although washing your hands is now a definite must. And actually, it always should have been.
But now, if you're wearing jeans, thanks to some weird fashion diktat, gone is the zip down, do what you have to do, zip up and then leave (after you've washed your hands). Now, you've now got to grapple with a terminally fiddly button fly, while at the same time trying real hard not to look like you're doing some sort of devo-ritual when all you should be doing is peeing.
And that's just on the way in, no pun intended.
Once you're done, try fastening the buttons at the trough and someone will think you're performing a weirdly immoral, post-micturition form of self-abuse. Stand further back to avoid being seen as a social deviant and do the same thing, and your vile act is now seen as inviting the inclusion of others.
And all you're trying to do is fasten your damn flies.
I'm amazed that any denim-clad visitors to the gents ever get out alive.
So please, jeans manufacturers the world over, buy a job lot of zips and start using them.
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